Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
