We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm having to shit out rocks
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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