I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
