Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
