xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
