If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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