i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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