I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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