I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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