i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
