His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
