3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i barfeds in our rink
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
