batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
