how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
