Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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