I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
