Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize