for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
