I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
