hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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