No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
