She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
