He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
