I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
