I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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