its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
