Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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