Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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