When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
