I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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