I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
