Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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