I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
