had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
