Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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