Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dick very happy bro
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
