I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
