dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
