Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
