I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
