rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
