He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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