I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
