remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
