Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
