I hate your face
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
