john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I lost the right to judge tonight
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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