WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im holly from the hills drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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