Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
