Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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