Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
