Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
