Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
