i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
