I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
