i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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