I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
