gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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