my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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