I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.