update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha