My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?