I must be too annoying 4 u.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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