She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
