My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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