you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
